Following a run of terrible Hallmark Christmas movies, director Monika Mitchell switches gears and tackles a murder mystery starring Alyssa Milano (Insatiable), but by setting it in a small town and including a prince, it essentially remains the same.
Mumsnet crowd found Fifty shades of grey too upsetting
In Brazen, Milano plays a renowned crime author who begins looking into her sister’s BDSM background after discovering her strangled to death. Brazen updates Nora Roberts’ bestselling romance book for the Mumsnet crowd who found Fifty Shades of Grey too upsetting. Sister Kathleen is a high school teacher with way too much backstory to survive in a movie like this (Emilie Ullerup, another Hallmark Channel alum). She is a former addict who is now threatening to kill her ex for stealing money from the family trust fund.
Prior to returning home to a gruesome crime scene, Grace (Milano) visits Kathleen and falls head over heels for the hot police detective/amateur carpenter who happens to live next door (Sam Page from House of Cards and Gossip Girl). The list of potential suspects in the murder of Kathleen grows quickly and includes the vengeful ex with the high-end legal connections, the enigmatic pervert who mouth-breathes over all the pornographic tapes, the dubious boss overseeing the sex cam agency, the strange rich student Kathleen was instructing at school, and the spooky janitor who lurks in the shadows while holding up a large “red herring” card.Oddly, after washing her sister’s blood off her clothing, Grace’s first instinct is to ask Ed if she can stay over (since there’s never a bad time for a little soft-core shirt-lifting), and she then begins assisting him with the investigation using her sharp crime-fiction talents.
Insight of Grace impresses
But why does the murderer prefer to target dominatrixes? Asks a perplexed police chief as he examines a wall of evidence following an increase in cam-girl murders. Grace stands up in front of a quiet group of experienced investigators and says, “Well… something I was thinking… maybe it’s all about control…” Her insight has everyone in awe, and the chief is happy to send her the case papers so she may take charge instead.
What begins as a perfectly good potboiler quickly deviates as the case’s absurd twists and turns, which isn’t helped by the horrible acting and dialogue that make each major dramatic sequence appear just a little bit comical (one reaction shot of a guy watching a webcam that suddenly turns into a murder scene is surely destined to be a GIF). The rest of the cast, who are bad enough to make them look decent, gives Milano and Page a free pass despite their mediocre efforts to maintain credibility.
This is perfect if you just want to sit back and watch how ridiculous the ending gets without caring about following the plot since if you can read a signpost, you’ll have figured out who the killer is a long time before the big reveal. Mitchell might have created a cult classic if she had chosen to set Brazen over the holiday season.